Now we have Michael Steele, chairman of the GOP, insisting that his recent dust-up with Rush Limbaugh is nothing more than a “sideshow distraction.”

But Mr. Steele, why is this a sideshow distraction? You’re paying fealty to Rush Limbaugh—a known criminal guilty of drug offenses—as he dictates GOP “conservative” ideals and party positions. The script is well-known … you contradict Rush, he gets all pissy and bitchy about it and sics his minions on you, and you roll over like a lap dog.

The GOP, the party of Rush Limbaugh, “Joe” the “Plumber,” Ann Coulter, Sarah Palin, and Bobby Jindal.

Better stated, the GOP is the party of irrelevance for years to come.

This, of course, is juxtaposed by the modern incarnation of the “conservative” movement which has been the embodiment of opposition to classic conservative principles.

• Where true conservative principles advocate fiscal conservatism, Republican leadership in Congress and the White House in the last 8 years have racked up the biggest deficits in history, approved pork-barrel spending with abandon, and championed fiscal policies that advantaged the pharmaceutical, health care, and energy industries, while utterly failing to implement any sort of fiscal policy—besides irresponsible tax cuts—to benefit the citizenry as a whole.

• Where true conservative principles have called for consistency of restraint and justification in both the implementation of new spending as well as cutting existing spending, Republicans have irresponsibly advocated for tax cuts, regardless of the impact of such cuts, or advocated for the abolishment of federal programs based on ideological adherence, regardless of the real impact.

• Where true conservative principles hold true to core constitutional principles, such as the separation of church and state, Republicans have sought to openly court evangelical Christians, erode the wall of separation between church and state, and undermine America’s religiously pluralistic heritage through support of issues such as intelligent design/creationism, school vouchers, abstinence-only reproductive education, and faith-based government initiatives.

• Where true conservative principles seek to keep government out of the lives of ordinary citizens, Republicans have sought to insert government into the lives of ordinary citizens through advocacy of legislation to ban gay marriage, ban adoption/fostering by gays and lesbians, ban abortion, and ban the use of contraceptives.

• And most importantly, where true conservative principles have been about addressing mundane issues, such as internal fiscal policies, inflation, micro/macroeconomics, and government efficiencies, Republicans have made hay with hysterical and hyperbolic rhetoric, baseless nationalism and patriotism, cultural division, and focusing on hot-button issues which have little, if any benefit for any citizen.

Thus, to the modern “conservatives,” I ask:

How dare you call yourself a conservative? You’re nothing close to being a conservative. What you and your ideology actually are is theocracy incarnate. You want government to run according to the dictates of your bible, not the secular, conservative principles of Goldwater and Buckley—both of whom regarded true conservatism as representing a conservative fiscal policy and social libertarianism. More succinctly, a conservative (read: limited) government is one that stays OUT of people’s lives and their personal decisions, not inserting itself INTO people’s lives and their personal decisions.

I was a Republican at one time. That was, until the religious nuts started taking over the Republican party, perverting the ideals of conservatism, and co-opting a political party to further a religious aim. This election should serve as a complete and thorough repudiation of any concept that the Republican party has anything to do with so-called conservative values.

Modern “conservative” politics always amount to the same thing: a paean to a god and a lamentation that not everyone adheres to a blind, ridiculous faith. Please don’t offer any platitudes about “we conservatives.” You know very little about true political conservatism.

Of course, you’d be wrong.

And never missing an opportunity to be a pissy little bitch, John Boehner runs to the steps of the Congress and plays his best, “Mama, they’re picking on me!!”

Usually, I’d tell you that Barney Frank is as full of shit as Boehner is a whiny bitch. But this time, he hit the nail on the head.

And there you have the priorities of the GOP in a nutshell. “GOP first, and the rest of you can go fuck yourselves.”

Right. I’ll remember that in a couple of weeks.