I have seen the 9th Circle of Hell.

It is the baggage claim area at any major airport in the days before Christmas.

A huge collection of just about every mouth-breathing idiot, moron, and fucktard that the human race can produce.

News flash: It isn’t necessary to bring the whole f’ing clan out to pick up Jimmy coming home from college. One person is enough.

To the idiot standing next to me at baggage claim: The reason you can’t bring a Sawz-All on a plane has nothing to do with the fact that you can’t plug it in. It has to do with the fact that it has a BLADE on it (and the idiot that agreed with you needs to be taken out and clubbed like a baby seal). And the box it was in was WAAAAAYYY too big to fit in the overhead compartment or under the seat in front of you. Oh, and BTW, the name is “Sawz-All” not “Sawza”—that is, unless you have a speech impediment.

To United baggage handlers: How the hell do you forget two whole luggage bins from a plane? Seriously!? Are you doing some Monty Python skit down there? “One, two, five.” WTF happened to three and four? I guess those luggage bins needed to go to Tucson before being routed to baggage carousel number 11 in Denver. If you’re being paid minimum wage, you’re being paid too much.

To just about anyone who (apparently) hasn’t had to exercise the logic/problem solving part of their brains lately: In a crowded airport terminal, the place for you to stand and hold your coffee klatsch is not in the middle of the traffic path. Seems you missed the part about “crowded airport terminal” and lack proper understanding of what goes on there.

To TSA: Yes, you have a hard job. I don’t give a shit. You’re overpaid for the work you do. Primarily, this is because of the fact that you can’t seem to exercise even the basest of logic to understand that (a) if my moisturizing cream falls out of the Ziploc baggie, it isn’t any more or less a threat, and (b) your seemingly religious belief that a Ziploc baggie provides any degree of security at all.

To TSA (again): I don’t need a freaking lecture about how my laptop needs to come out of it’s carrying case. Taking it out of a bag with a bunch of other stuff? Yes. Taking it out of a protective neoprene sleeve? No, you fucking idiot. The purpose of taking it out of the bag is so that all the clutter of the other stuff in the bag won’t obscure a view of the components inside the laptop. A fitted, neoprene sleeve without pockets or anything else doesn’t have anything to obscure the view on the X-ray.