It’s shown up in my inbox at least twice in the last year, and it’s been a consistent meme of the those who wish to point out the sometimes absurd nature of our modern world. The most recent iteration to present itself to my inbox was purportedly to illustrate our lack of common sense.

Not to disparage the friend who sent it to me (she is one of the dearest people I know) but this is about as misleading as you can get.

Aspirin is a drug. For many of us, we think of aspirin as some sort of innocuous analgesic. The cultural reference of the doctor who tells us, “take two aspirin and call me in the morning,” has been a mainstay for decades. But aspirin is not quite so tame as we would think.

Aspirin has been linked to Reye’s Syndrome, which the National Reye’s Syndrome Foundation tells us is:

That’s some pretty serious stuff. Not to mention the fact that aspirin is also known to be a blood thinner/anticoagulant and a known cause of ulcers and stomach bleeding. Given that profile, aspirin, distributed by some unwitting healthcare neophyte, can be a fairly dangerous and risky substance to be freely distributing to children. Were I a parent, I would insist on being notified or consulted by a school nurse before giving such a substance to my child.

Juxtaposing giving aspirin to a child against a child getting an abortion seems to overlay the same two events into the same background. However, this is not even close to being the same setting.

A pregnancy or abortion is not something that the school nurse gives to a child—and if your school nurse did give either to your child, one can be assured that nothing less than a head on a stick will be sufficient to satisfy all parties. No, the simple fact is that the school, the school nurse, and any other health professional legitimately related to the in loco parentis responsibilities for a child do not perform abortions on your legal minor child, nor do they get your legal minor child impregnated. At most, your legal minor child can approach these health professionals and request information about healthcare options. And if my child approached any healthcare professional and asked for information about Reye’s Syndrome or how to treat specific aches and pains, I would have absolutely no problem with them providing information about that. Either way, the legal minor child is free to do with the information what they will.

Second, medical professionals long ago understood the risks associated with aspirin which is why we now have Tylenol, a safe, alternative, non-aspirin pain reliever. Because of this, Tylenol is dosed out instead … and Americans too stupid to understand the difference between aspirin and Tylenol (or ibuprofen/NSAIDs) lump them all in together and we hear how “schools can’t even dispense a Tylenol without parental consent.”

* sigh *

Fucking educate yourselves, people.

Third, consider that the general restrictions on distributing medications are applied to elementary school and not quite so prominently to upper grade levels. Especially in high school, these kinds of restrictions are less frequently seen. Why is that? Because as children get older, they are better able to process simple decisions such as “do I need a couple of Motrin, or should I just get baked?” and “should I give Johnny a handjob under the bleachers or go all the way?” Of course, as a parent, you don’t have any more say in those decisions than you do about whether or not your daughter gets an abortion. Besides, who’s to say that your son didn’t stop by the convenience store on the way to school and pick up a couple of Motrin to put his hangover at bay so he could get through the morning grind of 1st hour Geometry?

But it sounds good … and that’s why it’s become a resilient social meme. It’s also illustrative of the degree to which humanity has lost its ability to exercise any form of rational, critical thought.